I have to say the holidays come with somewhat of a sting. Even though we have a beautiful son, and a daughter on the way (due early February), the holidays have a way of sending nostalgia through your blood, reminding you of your first dream of a Christmas with your baby. Your first hopes.
The plan A you so hoped would work out.
I can remember carrying my very sick daughter inside me, hoping, believing Christmas would be the icing on the cake. That in spite of the bad doctor reports, she would somehow survive it all and Christmas would be a true Christmas miracle.
The holidays since 2009 have been… different. We technically skipped Christmas the first year, and tried our best to dodge it the year after. When our son was not just a baby anymore we decided it was time to start really celebrating again. He deserved it, we deserved it.
Each year we collect new ornaments. We buy one for our son, and one for our daughter. We even hang a stocking for her. Inside her stocking this year will be notes of love we will send to her on a sky lantern on Christmas Eve.
One New Year’s Eve we had some Roman Candles left over and popped them over her gravesite. We probably could have gotten in serious trouble, but it felt so good to be able to do something just for her during the holidays.