Dads and non-birthing partners in the NICU have a completely different set of experiences than birthing moms. And those differences are important to recognize and validate when we talk about providing NICU support and care to the entire NICU family. In episode 141 of the NICU Babies Parent Support podcast, we chat with Scott Whitaker, dad of six, including two NICU babies, sharing how he embraced his role as a NICU dad, the importance of accepting help, and encouraging other fathers and partners during a NICU stay. We hope this helps NICU dads and non-birthing partners feel encouraged and empowered, and most importantly, less alone.
→ Listen to the full episode: Calling All NICU Dads of Big Families.
Embrace Your Role as the Supportive NICU Dad or Partner
In the NICU, so much attention is understandably focused on the birthing mom and the baby. Because of that, NICU dads and partners can feel pulled in different directions: Do I stay with my partner? Do I go with the baby?
Dads and partners have a unique opportunity to be a bridge between their baby and their significant other, helping make sure both are cared for. This is your opportunity to step into a meaningful caregiver role during the NICU journey. Here are a few ways to do that:
- Be a strong, encouraging support system. Your partner is strong, but they may still need reassurance. Let them know you have their back and believe in them.
- Get updates about your new baby to share with your partner. Take notes if you need to, relay information, and be the liaison between your partner and the medical team.
- Help your partner with pumping, especially in the beginning when it can be overwhelming. Wash pump parts or deliver the first drops of milk to the NICU.
Accept Help & Support During a NICU Stay
Many dads and partners are used to supporting their families physically and emotionally. But when your baby is in the NICU, it is just as important to remain open to receiving help and lean on the systems around you, especially if you are working full time and have other children at home.
There are kind, generous people around you who are willing to help. The challenge is often knowing what to ask for.
Create a short list of practical things you could use help with. That way, when someone asks you what they can do to help, you can answer quickly and clearly. For example:
- “I need someone to pick up my other children from school.”
- “Our daughter needs a ride to soccer practice.”
- “We would really appreciate a home cooked meal.”
It’s also okay to say yes to professional help. Watching your partner go through a difficult birth and then navigating life with a baby in the NICU can affect your emotional health and your closest relationships. Therapy, counseling, or couples support can help you process the fear, stress, and uncertainty of the NICU experience so you can be a more present partner and parent. The tools you learn there can also help later in your parenting journey with older children, teens, and young adults.
Build a Community You Can Lean On
Having a supportive community during a NICU stay can make a meaningful difference. For some families, that support comes from relatives. For others, it may come from friends, peers, church community, or even a group text. For dads, it may look like a circle of other men or other NICU dads who understand what stress and crisis can do to a family.
These are often the same people you can lean on for practical help, emotional support, and encouragement when you need it most. Hand to Hold’s dad-focused resources and support communities reflect that dads benefit from connection with people who understand the NICU experience.
Embrace the Chaos of NICU Life
Whether you are working, on parental leave, or trying to balance both, creating a routine can help you survive a NICU stay, especially if you have other children at home. But even with a routine, there will still be some chaos.
Some balls may get dropped. Some things may not get done. And that is okay.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Care for your family, care for your NICU baby, and care for your partner as best you can while accepting support from your community. For many NICU dads and non-birthing partners, that is what getting through the NICU looks like one day at a time.
