Pregnancy After Preterm Birth or Loss

by Felicia Nash, MD, OB/GYN at Women Partners in Health



Making the decision to try and conceive after a pregnancy loss or preterm birth involves both emotional and physical health components.  Often couples faced with this decision spent agonizing weeks, months or years dealing with the pregnancy and/or NICU stay.

Attend to Your Emotional Health First

Grief counseling is a great idea for families that lose a pregnancy at any gestational age.  It is important to address your feelings and be able to have a closure with the previous pregnancy before you make a decision about returning to that arena once again.

Grief counseling can also be helpful for families who have a child who had a lengthy NICU stay – after all, we grieve when our expectations are not completely met.  And most of us feel that at the beginning of the pregnancy we can expect to take home a big healthy baby when we are discharged after delivery!  Understand also that you will have anxiety with the future pregnancies… you are only human, after all.  That is okay to a certain degree, but it is important to share with your healthcare provider your concerns and also allow them to reassure you!  Also allow your partner and your friends and family to support you during this period of anxiety.

“There was never a question about whether I was mentally prepared to attempt another pregnancy after our loss in the mid-second trimester.  However, I was not prepared for the fear and anxiety that would overtake me in the first and second trimesters of my subsequent successful pregnancy,” shares Felicia Nash, MD, OB/GYN with Women Partners in Health and mother of four children, one who passed away at 18 weeks gestation.  Enlisting the support of my husband and a close friend was key in helping me ‘vent’ my fears sometimes on a daily basis.  I may have driven them crazy, but it was so important for me to be able to work through these feelings rather than suppress them.”

Consult Your Physician for a Custom-Tailored Plan

If you feel that you are emotionally ready, the next step is to schedule an appointment with your provider to determine if you are healthy enough to pursue pregnancy once again.  Rarely, your physician may advise against future pregnancy.  Your doctor can also direct you as to the duration of time to wait between pregnancies.  This will depend upon the timing of your pregnancy loss or preterm delivery (in gestational weeks).  The mode of delivery (natural vs. Cesarean delivery) will also impact when it is safe to conceive once again.

Your physician may also make recommendations for preventing the loss or preterm delivery in a future pregnancy.  This is highly dependent on the terms of your previous delivery – so these options will vary greatly from patient to patient!  Some options may include a cervical cerclage, routine cervical monitoring and/or progesterone supplementation.

A cervical cerclage is basically a stitch used to enforce the cervix.  The cervix is a tubular structure that should remain long and cylindrical in nature throughout the pregnancy.  Some women develop shortening of the cervix that is not associated with contractions or pain and this can lead to early pregnancy loss or preterm delivery by allowing the water to break or allow an infection to begin.  The stitch would be used as a preventive strategy in a woman with a poor obstetrical history.  Unfortunately, the data is minimal regarding the efficacy of this treatment, but some studies indicate a viable birth rate of 70-90 percent after a cerclage placement.  Other studies, however, maintain that the improvement is much smaller than this.

Cervical monitoring refers to using an ultrasound to measure the length of the cervix.  This is done every 2-4 weeks in women with a poor obstetrical history or a history of procedures done to the cervix which could weaken its strength.  If changes are noted, sometimes bed rest or a cerclage are offered.  While bed rest is very frequently recommended for prevention of preterm delivery, the data does not indicate that it is successful.

In women with a history of preterm labor – that is contractions that are painful, regular and bring about a change in the cervix greater than 3 weeks prior to the due date – progesterone supplementation is often recommended in a future pregnancy.  The progesterone is given as a weekly injection beginning around 16 – 20 weeks of pregnancy and continuing through 34-36 weeks.  Intervening in this manner has been shown to decrease the risk of preterm birth, but only in those women who have had a previous preterm delivery not related to multiples or a fetal birth defect.

Create a Helpful Network to Support You & Your Partner’s Decision

Obviously, there are many issues to contribute to making a decision about further pregnancies.  Using your family, friends and sometimes professional support, you and your partner have to determine when you are ready.  Once you have decided that this is the next step, visit your physician so that you can develop an individually tailored plan that will reduce your risks in a future pregnancy.

Dr. Felicia NashFelicia B. Nash, M.D. and her husband Todd are the proud parents of one daughter and three boys, one who passed away just prior to 18 weeks gestation. After losing her second son, she was shocked and saddened having previously experienced a healthy pregnancy with his big sister. She and her husband have been blessed with the subsequent births of two healthy sons.

Dr. Nash is a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist with Women Partners in Health, the largest all-female OB/GYN practice in Central Texas, which she joined in 1995.  Dr. Nash’s medical focus is on infertility and mental health, with special interest in postpartum depression. She graduated cum laude from Texas A&M University with a B.S. in Nutritional Science. Dr. Nash’s medical training was done at the University of Texas Houston Medical School. While there, she was awarded membership into Alpha Omega Alpha, an honor society that recognized the top 10% of medical students. She completed her residency training at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where she received the Award for Excellence in Laparoscopic Procedures. She is a fellow of the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology, licensed to practice in the state of Texas.


  1. Great advice, all around! I’ve had both – a preterm birth (34 weeks, so not intensely traumatic) and a loss (was triplets, went to twins, then lost all) – and while I want to have another baby, I’ll admit to being rather terrified. So much so that it didn’t feel like so much of a hardship to put it off to go back to work for a while.

  2. Christina Smith says:

    I am looking for information/support for myself & family. I just found out that I am pregnant. My last pregnancy was incredibly difficult. My water broke at 24 weeks gestation, was on hospitalized bed rest for 6 weeks. My daughter was taken by emergency c-section at 30 weeks. We both almost bled to death. My daughter, at 2 pounds at birth stayed in the Nicu for 6 weeks & was sent home at 4 pounds. She is now 4 years old, and has no negative signs of her prematurity. However, I still choke up and emotionally relive the trauma of her birth anytime I talk or even think about it. I did not plan this recent pregnancy, and am incredibly terrified. It is my desire to gather information/support to alleviate some of the worry & stress so that I can enjoy and celebrate this pregnancy.

    I am thankful to have found the Hand to Hold organization. The work your organization does is so critical & important.

  3. I just experience a preterm labor on aug. 29, 2012. My baby as delivered at 16wks and did not survive. This was due to an incompetent cervix. We tried to warn our obgyn of a previous LEEP procedure but it was to no avail. No one listened because we did not have a history of preterm labor. However, now that a preterm labor has occurred, they are able to offer preventative care in the future. But at what cost??? Someone had to die first.

  4. C – so sorry for your loss, it can be very frustrating to not be ‘heard’ by your doctor. I also had a LEEP procedure years before my pregnancy problems, I was under the impressions as along as they did not remove a large portion of the cervix ( a large portion would not be normal in LEEP procedure) than it should have no effect on your cervix long term.
    I had one Full Term child (although dialated early), a preemie at 32+5 weeks, a miscarriage at 18 weeks, and then a 31+5 day preemie. Both my preemies were small for gestational age first one came home in 5 days last stayed in the NICU a month. Last is 6 years old and I think I am pregnant after a my husband had a vasectomy 3 years ago!! Will find out tomorrow…Scared…. our outlook is complex and terrifying!

  5. Had my first planed pregnancy in 2009 lost the baby in dec 09 at 22weeks, got pregnant in 2 mths time(unplaned)lost that at 7weeks followed doctors advice and rested the uterus for 2yrs 7mths,got pregnant again in aug 2012(planed) had baby premature at 26weeks 4days,he lived for 5days died on 31of feb.LET me mention that my first preg i had a cyst on the outside of my uterus at 4cm was told it would not affect baby 2 weeks later miscarriage. My last preg was special really thought this was the 1 but had complications from 7weeks with UTI,16weeks UTI AGAIN,had a good break then there again at 24wks infection,still dont know what but treated with clomidazole for 1 week,went back to clinic at 25-3days to find out i had infection again given naystatin to insert daily.NOTE I have no pain or contractions when my cervix begins to open so when my water broke while i was asleep imagine my suprise happen same way all 3 times,trying to get preg right away as it doesnt seem to matter how long i wait.

  6. i give birth to a baby boy on 6 month pregnancy. i lose the baby same day. i was bleeding a lot when i was at the hospital i start getting pain , i did not not know it was labor pain.

    can i know if somebody has same problem as me and second time get a baby .

  7. I lost my baby boy at 21 weeks (7/12) due to skeletal dysplasia. On 12/25/12 found out I was pregnant again at 10weeks I had a miscarriage. On 7/13 got a positive pregnancy test and on 11/5/13 I lost my beautiful girl due to incompetent cervix. My Dr. Advice me to wait 3-6 months to let my body heal. I don’t think I will be trying anytime soon as my heart is broken into a million pieces. I believe that my mind has to be mentally stable before falling pregnant again I don’t want to put any extra stress on my future pregnancy.

  8. This is great advice. I had my daughter at 28 weeks from preterm labor. The doctors were unsure as to why I went into preterm labor. It has almost been 2 years, and I’m still terrified for my next child. This is a great course of action to help ease fears and help prevent preterm labor. Thanks!

  9. I just went through the most devastating thing that has ever happened to myself and husband. This past November we lost our baby girl as I went into preterm labour at 23 weeks 5 days. I really want to try for another but when is too soon,you know…..One hand wants to try now and the other hand has this guilty feeling as I feel Like people will judge that it is so soon after. I am also terrified that the same thing will happen if I fall pregnant again. I have a two year old which was born full term (overdue) and then I have a preterm birth, so confused. Has anyone experienced a healthy pregnancy/labour after preterm?…would love to hear some positive success stories. Thanks

  10. Dear Amy~
    We are so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Each pregnancy is different, and it is absolutely possible to experience a healthy pregnancy after a preterm delivery. Because of the circumstances of the early delivery, your OB/GYN may have some additional advice for you when/if you are ready to try again. If a cause was identified (and there may not have been), it also may give your physician more ideas how to support you to prevent another early birth or ensure even a few more precious days or weeks are gained, which can make all the difference. Many of our bloggers take up this topic on our blog – here is one: You are also welcome to post this very question on our online support group via private message at – Parents posts questions (anonymously if desired), and 12K families weigh in. This is a topic that many families have very personal experiences with, so I feel pretty confident you’d get the responses you are looking for. If we can match you one-on-one with a fellow parent who has had a similar journey to yours, please let us know (no expiration date on this offer). You can reach us at support [at] handtohold [dot] org. Sending a virtual {hug} your way. Best, AmyC

  11. I have 3 year old twins that were born at 26 weeks. One of them still has a slew of med problems but doing better than I ever imagined. I’m having an internal battle about having another baby. I had to have a cerclage with the twins and didn’t realize that my first pregnancy I also had an incompetent cervix cuz I dilated to 4 within the first 6 months but nothing was done. I’ve recently had a LEEP done to remove precancerous cells. We are thinking of having another baby hoping for a girl since we have 4 boys. Has anybody else had an incompetent cervix and a LEEP and had another baby?

  12. Hi, I have lost my baby at 26 weeks preterm labour. I am shattered. Want to try for another baby ASAP. Pls inform me if it’s Ok that I start trying just now. My earlier case was my very first case in which I had normal delivery and doc gave no reason for my waters breaking at such an early stage. Please help…

  13. I had a miscarriage last year in May and then In February found out I was pregnant again, the pregnancy was going fine but at 24 weeks I went into labor and had my first son Deklyn on July 6th and he lived for a day and it was devastating for me to loss my first baby. I am wanting to try again but my husband says it is too soon so I got on the depo shot but once it wears off I want to try again for another baby but I am afraid of having to go through this again.

  14. I lost my baby at 22 weeks May 17 2014…this was the most terrible thing i have faced in my life. We were going to have a baby boy. Doctors are not sure of whether it was because of UTI or incompetent cervix. It has been almost 3 months after this. And i want to try again but i am scared i dont want to go through this again but the need of being a mother runs through my heart and mind all day. I got the Depo shot but on the 17 of Aug. its the 3 months and i dont wan to get it again i just dont know if that is the right decision how long can one wait?

  15. Heather Hauser says:

    I had my twins at 27 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. We list our daughter at two weeks old.
    In my next pregnancy which was a singleton I took hydroxyprogesterone(17p) and went full term. I am now pregnant with my second set of twins and using the 17p again. I am currently 33 weeks and my cervix is still long and closed!

  16. I went thru da worst path eva,I gave birth @26weeks it all hpnd naturally from water breaking to delivery,he it ws da 25th of may on da 4days later he ws taken 2 theater bcoz of da complicationz he had,he ws fine after dat until da 4th of august wen they took hm 2 theatre n on da 5th he died. It ws jst 20days b4 they dischrge hm,all grwn n very cute. I wana try again bt m so scrd!

  17. On May 6, 2014 at 21weeks 5days I delivered my baby girl and she passed about and hour later. I was told at an appointment a week later to wait until I had 3 normal cycles before trying again and 4 to 6 months at my 6 week check up. No I don’t feel I’m mentally prepared but I do want to try again but I’m scared and I don’t want the stress of being scared to affect my next pregnancy. Any advice?

  18. Latasha Ransome says:

    I had Kali at 24 +4 she was 1pd and 3oz she was y only child that wqa born early I have 3 other children ages 22,18 and 9 all born full term and healthy. Kali lived for 30 days and I just knew that she wouls be homefor Xmas. I think about her ALL the time and wonder why did my body fail?? But i know that God does not make mistakes and he is holding my kali girl..until its time for me to see her when i get to Heaven..God hless all of you ladies for your strength and prayer os that God will heal your hearts.

  19. Dear Kirsten, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby girl. If you would like the advice of many, many NICU parents, we can re-post your question on our parent support group on Life After NICU ( If you wish we can make your post anonymous or just use your first name. Let me know.
    Sending virtual hugs your way.
    Amy Carr – amy [at] handtohold [dot] org

  20. Hello. My name is Yohanna I went into labor at 23 wks with twins,they where my first babies. my water broke at 21 wks and when into labor on 10/27/14. Michael Angelo passed 10/29/14 and Adriel Malachi on 11/10/14, I’m still devastated and don’t know or understand why this happened I had a perfect pregnancy besides heavy all day morning sickness,my question is……. 1) will the pain of loosing my babies ever go away and 2) how soon should I get pregnant after this????? I love and miss my angels so much!!!

  21. Hello everyone I just lost my first child/son Donnell on the 19th of this month at 22weeks and I must say this is the worst feeling ever :( Im having sleepless nights and waking up crying non stop. I had a normal cervix at my 8wks ultrasound and my doctor didnt order me another ultrasound until i was 20wks, and thats when the horriable news started, I found out then that i had a short cervix measuring at .6cm. Deep down inside I believed if i stay on bed rest and use my vaginal progestrone everything will be ok and boy was i wrong by that time it was already to late for anything.I just wish my docotor would have prepared me for a premature birth/labor. I keep seeing my son features and everytime i look at his picture my mother took of him after I gave birth I just break down. My son was almost here and I know God doesnt make any mistakes but i often cry why me and my first child.On top of all of this i had to make crematioin arrangements for him and can you imgaine what I am going through right now, i have a stroong support system from my family but right now i think the only thing that can make me feel better is to hear him cry and home in my arms….please send me encouraging words because right now my soul is lost/hurt :(((

  22. N.RichHop says:

    I lost my son at 18w4d on October 20th due to IC and/or preterm labor. My doctor says that should we decide to try again, that she would do a cerclage at 12 weeks and I would be on progesterone supplementation.
    My question, for those of you who have experienced this…did you go on to have a successful pregnancy? Did you have to go on bedrest? Did any of you have supplemental disablity insurance?

    Any information would be greatly appreciated!

  23. I also lost my first son at 17 and a half weeks he was fine on the ultrasound but died shortly before i had him. Then again i had another baby boy at 20 weeks he lived for 3 hours and was so beautiful. I have no other kids and im starting to think the only ones ill ever have will be born to early to survive. Please anyone that has had a successful pregnancy after multiple loses to preterm labor and birth please tell me your experience so i know if there is hope for me or if i should just give up my dreams of being a mother

  24. With every indication of a strong and healthy pregnancy, during my Christmas vacation visiting my in laws a, on 12/27/2014 at 22 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I went to ER at Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis. I was taken to their maternity wing where I gave urine specimen, an ultrasound exam and a cervical exam with a speculum after describing symptoms of leaking a watery substance and in more recent hours a slight wave of discomfort in my belly. It was then explained to me that my water had broken and I was already dilated at 5cm. All the while, my baby’s vitals were strong. It was about 4am when they told me this. Late at night or when I sleep, my baby tends to be active and he was at that time too. Moving and kicking about sweetly.
    They then told me because I was already dilated at 5cm and my water had already broken (not entirely but in due time there wouldn’t be enough amniotic fluid for the baby to have oxygen). I had very few options and delivering was involved in all of them. So I went through with having the baby delivered through induction with no pain medication. And he came into the world with a strong beating heat but no capacity to breathe quite yet. I know my grief is no different then any other woman who has lost her baby. But every part of me pains for the loss of my child because I cannot do anything. I cannot bring him back and I cannot as much as I try retrace my steps to a time where I can think of something I might have done to bring this on. I cannot and do not understand my situation. I wish I could have taken my sons place or at least I wish I would have died with him so that he wouldn’t have to be alone. I miss my baby now. I do not want to eat because i am scared to once again enjoy food I lost the appetite for in all my aversions during my pregnancy-then what I thought was some cruel punishment. I don’t want to sleep because my son would be most active during the time I went to lie down. I feel empty and alone again even though I have never been without external love and support. There was no greater love than the love I new for and from my child. I wish only to be with him again. I cannot overcome my grief. I am sincerely sorry and my heart goes out to any woman who has ever gone through this.

  25. Nwosu Chuks says:

    My baby came at six months and a week(25 weeks)in june but died on the 9th day after delivery.I am still having milk flow and I ve been trying to get pregnant but to no avail.Please somebody help me,am so worried.

  26. I was pregnant with twins and my water broke at 20 weeks and 5 days. My baby boys were born very much alive and moving but were too early to survive they both only lived for about 15 minutes this has been the worst pain i could ever imagine feeling. My heart is broken. I want so bad to be able to b a mama and watch my babies grow.i know God knows what he’s doing but I want my babies back.

  27. I got pregnant after 6 yrs,but at 19 weeks 4 day I lost my twin girls! .after 5 month I got pregnant but at 10 weeks we find out there is no heartbeat.after an year I got pregnant again ,everything went well until 19 weeks 0 days ,at 20 0 days went to labour and my baby boy died!. So horrible things happened in my life . I don’t know what to do.i am so scared.anyone have success story after premature deliver?

  28. Hi All,
    After reading all these here..we came to know that we are not the only one in this situation. My wife delivered a beautiful baby girl at 23 weeks 5 days with a very strong heart beat. She was too small to handle any treatment and survived for 9 hours.
    During her pregnancy..everything was quite and well. We went for ultrasound on 17th Dec 14 for baby’s heart views and our baby is very active and played hide and seek game with Dr. He didnt get good heart view’s and re-scheduled the ultrasound on 23rd Dec 14. When we went to hospital on 23rd, Dr said…my wife is already dilated 5cms and baby is on her way. We were shocked and rushed to hospital labor room and had shots for lungs maturity, after 48hrs (26th Dec 14) Baby is out with 160 heart beat. NICU said, baby is too small to handle treatment and only survived 9 hours. Dr has no idea why all this happened all of a sudden. There is no explanation from them. Our family is in other country and we are alone here. My wife is totally in depression and I dont have any idea about what to do next. All I know is…I have to be strong to support my wife. I too have pain, but i can not show that in-front of my wife. I did all my babies cremation things and this is the worst part for any parent.
    All we are thinking is we want our baby back ASAP. Not sure how long we need to wait for next pregnancy and my wife is worried about the next pregnancy. If the same thing happened again…I dont think we can take this again. Any one had successful delivery after pre-term labor?

  29. Hi ladies, it’s been a month since I lost my darling son at 23wks and 6 days. Not a day goes by
    Without me missing him he was my first baby

  30. I conceived while still breastfeeding but continue the feeding till baby was a year. the pregnancy was still there till early this year 4th January my water broke at exactly 6 months. I and my partner went to the hospital the water couldn’t just stop but continue slowly coming out for 3 days till contractions came and I bleeded till baby came out alive but couldn’t survive it. I had to hold myself but can’t take the flashback off my memory. I am looking at conceiving again to ease up the pain in my mind,though blood its till coming out. my question is can I start ovulation soon? I miss my baby in my arms.

  31. I have lost my twins at 24 w 6 d in 2012 due to infection that made my water broke before. Last year i have lost another baby at 3 months pregnancy. I havent got pregnant again until worried since am gonna 36 this year.i hope i can have my own baby there anyone who got pregnant after 35 with normal labor? its not easy to live a life after lost my babies. The scar will.always be there no matter how much you tried to accept it.especially when you see other women with their babies. I used to think how unfair life is but i know that this baby thing at the end is in god hand. I feel sorry for all the women who lost their babies.there is nothingpre devastating in life than losing your baby.for me,its also painful to see how sad my husband and its heartbreaking to realize that i havent gave him any baby to hold until now.i love my husband so much that i hope i can make him happy by giving him our own babies. To all my friends here,lets be strong.we gotta be strong for our love one. You are not alone.Hugs

  32. Lost my beautiful baby boy just a week ago @ 40+5 weeks just 2 days to my due date. Went for my weekly antenatal and d Dr found no heart beat had to induce me to deliver baby and he was dead with no explanation. And now more than ever I want a baby. This was my first baby. Don’t know how long to wait to conceive again

  33. Hello, I just lost my son he was 24 weeks. He was an angel truth and. I am a young mother who thought I was alone. After reading these I am happy I’m not alone. My first baby went to fast and I would do anything for him back. My fiancee and I are going to try again. Although I’m terrified for it to happen again I have a different doc who is willing to help me with anything I need or want to do different. I lost my son due to a incompent cervix. I miss my son dearly and wish he was here but we have decided with our next pregnancy we are going to do a couple of different things. We are gonna try some shots to make my cervix a little stronger and at 12 weeks were gonna sew my cervix shut. I hope this will help me with my having children and I will always love my son just as much as my other kids.

  34. Hi ladies.
    I can’t believe how many women have had similar experiences. I had my baby girl Layla at 26.6 wks on April 26 after my water broke at 26 weeks. Unfortunately she passed away on May 9 after 13 days. I had low fluid since 23 weeks and I also have a bicornate uterus. I have a drs appointment i on thurs to discuss what i should do.

  35. kayleigh says:

    Hi so sad to hear these storys my heart goes out to you all i dont know if this will help but i hope it can give you a glimpse of hope i was pregnant with twins my waters broke at 23 weeks but went into labour at 25+2 they weighed 1.8 n 1.9 lb their medical conditions were severe but but against all odds and the terrible struggle they pulled through and our now 6 and healthy i had another pregnancy after waters broke at 34 weeks had a healthy girl at 36 weeks i dont know if this helps but would like you to know you can have a healthy pregnancy after a bad preterm and that preterm is a terrible situation but some babys can make it and wish everyone the best of luck for happy healthy babys

  36. i am still grieving I had a preterm labor may 20 after 20 weeks of pregnancy and we lost our baby girl, I really what to have another baby though we have an 8 years old who was a full term baby, I don’t know where I went wrong I am so confused I want to start trying soon.

  37. I went into labour may31 at 23weeks and she pass away its terrible for me not taking it well it pain I need some advice this is my 3 lost I am 30 and don’t think I want to try again

  38. XAVIER MOMMY says:

    I gave birth to a baby boy on 4.4.15. Delivered at 20 weeks. This was my second pregnancy. The first I miscarried at about 9 weeks. Took me over 6 years to conceive again. And now this: my baby boy lived for two hours. Never felt so hurt in my entire life. To look at my boy and wait for him to die.

  39. We lost our baby girl Lucille 4 days ago due to preterm labor at
    26 weeks and 5 days doctors don’t know why and say these things
    Sometimes happen for no reason through whole pregnantcy baby
    Had strong heart beat and we both couldn’t have been happier
    It was our first baby and we both are so broken my boyfriend has
    Been the best support for me in all of this but I know how much he
    Wanted our baby and now I feel incompetent to mother children
    And seeing the look in his eyes breaks me further. We want to
    Try again as soon as we can terrified the same thing will happen
    But now knowing this potential problem exists we know we can
    Get further help to ensure full term labor and healthy delivery.
    This will most deff be the hardest thing to endure in my entire life
    And truthfully I will never “get over it” and we will never be the same
    Lucy will never be forgotten and the small time we did have will
    Always have a sacred place in both of our hearts

  40. Daina, I’m so sorry that you lost your sweet baby. You are not alone. Your babies’ lives mattered. While I might not know exactly what you’re feeling, I have an idea. My first son Carrick lived for a day and a half before he died from complications of being born preterm. It’s not fair. And you never “get over it.” It just becomes a part of who you are. It’s ok to to be afraid (and angry and sad and lonely). And I’m sure you know that there is no right answer about whether or not to get pregnant again. It is devastating to lose your babies. <3 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Whatever you ultimately decide to do is ok. Only you know what your heart can bear – and the joy and the pain of growing a baby in you not knowing if they will make it. All I can offer is this: You love your babies and you did everything you could for them. That is the purest, most selfless love that you can give. You probably know that your heart is bigger and your compassion is greater for having loved them – even if your time together was brief. You can email me at Erika [at] handtohold [dot] org if you'd like to talk. Peace and comfort to you and your family – Erika

  41. To Xavier’s Mommy – I’m so sorry to hear that your little boy died. That’s awful. I’m sure you miss him terribly. And I know your pain is compounded by the loss of your first baby and the time it took to become a mom again. I hope you got to hold him and be with him. There is no doubt that you loved him every moment you carried him and every minute you held him in your arms. I know that when you lose a baby it changes you forever – but that no one really knows or sees that change unless they have experienced it themselves. I want you to know that you’re not alone. There is a community of families who really care about you and understand. If you’d like to talk to me or to connect with another mom who understands, we’re here for you. (And that offer doesn’t expire. You can reach out to me today, or tomorrow, or 5 years from now. Even if you just want to talk about Xavier or if you need to feel angry or sad. It’s ok. Much Love – Erika [at] handtohold [dot] org

  42. Leslie – I’m so sorry this happened to you, your baby, and your boyfriend. My story is very similar to yours. And I recognize everything you’re feeling. I wish there was a way to spare you from all the hurt.
    You are NOT incompetent. You did everything you could. No one expects this. And no one is prepared. It’s not fair. And it doesn’t make sense. But it’s not your fault.
    The awful truth is that you can do everything “right” and still lose your baby – and you can do everything “wrong” and things turn out ok. Be gentle with yourself.
    You may never know why this happened; most of the time there is no answer.
    But there are things you can do if you decide you’re ready to get pregnant again. And those things can really increase the odds in your favor.
    I know it sounds like it’s an impossibility, but you will be ok. You will find a sort of peace, you will emerge again, and you will carry Lucy and your love for her in the deepest, most sacred places in your heart.
    Please let me know if you want to talk or email.
    Erika [at] handtohold [dot] org

  43. santhoshi says:

    i had got c session after 37 weeks pregnancy, on april 6th 2015 and lost my baby in my womb, 36 hours earlier. when can i plan my next pregnancy.

  44. So sorry for the loss of the precious baby waters broke at 18 weeks..i held on to 28 weeks..they did a emergency c section 6/29/15 my lil daryl lived and fought for 2 hours..he passed and away in front of me and my husband..his little lungs collapsed and his heart quit beating we want to try again..but dont know when..sure miss him so much but we know hes in good hands and no mother should ever have to go through this..when can we try again?

  45. Am just in tears reading through this,yesterday my husband and i lost my little boy at 23 weeks 4 days.had sudden pre term labour with lots of bleeding. The thought of getting pregnant again terrifies me so much am an emotional wreck have no idea where to start maybe things would be different maybe i dint do something right just cant stop blaming myself i want to get through this ladies….

  46. I lost my baby boy at 24 weeks pregnant. This was due to blood clot in marginal upper front of placenta. Its very hard to bear this loss as u can’t easily forget things. Ladies just b strong with positive approach . God luck.

  47. I went into labor early at 22weeks and 6 days it was a boy how ever he pass away minutes after being born I cried but I know that God don’t make no mistakes we must still trust God The passing of our baby didn’t catch God by surprise our life and everything bout our life was already written before we came into the world trust God at his word and will we shall make it have a bless day people Jeremiah 29:11

  48. My heart goes out to all of you who have experienced a loss. I’ve recently written an article here about all of the current treatment options when you’re thinking about getting pregnant again after having a preemie: I hope that it brings you a sense of control and feelings of confidence as you move forward. (((hugs)))

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