Having a baby in the hospital NICU is a very stressful time for all members of a family, including big brothers and sisters. Siblings often feel confused, anxious, or even left out during a NICU stay. Children look to adults for reassurance, so it’s important to guide them through the experience with honesty, love, and consistency.
This guide offers simple, practical tips for NICU sibling support that help kids feel included, valued, and secure during this challenging time.
Helping Children Cope with a NICU Stay
BE CONSISTENT
Maintaining normal routines like bedtime, meals, and school helps young children feel safe. Consistency is especially important during a time when so much else is changing.
SET ASIDE SPECIAL TIME
Even small moments of connection, like reading a bedtime story, a short walk, or a chat in the car, can go a long way. Your time and attention matter more than perfection.
ASK FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOR HELP
Don’t be afraid to lean on your support system. People want to help, but they don’t always know how. Let them know what you need. Ask friends or family to help with school drop-offs or meals. Giving others a chance to help allows you to show up more fully for your children.
SURROUND THEM WITH FAMILIAR PEOPLE
If you have family members and friends providing child care, have them come to your home as much as possible. With so many changes, having a known and trusted adult around will help younger children cope, especially if they have a difficult time being separated from mom and dad. Familiarity offers comfort when parents are spending long hours at the hospital.
ADAPT THEIR DAILY ROUTINES
Routines are an important part of helping children cope with the NICU. You may have to temporarily change up your child’s routines to align with having a baby in the NICU. If your usual family dinners are now spent at the hospital, try shifting that special time to breakfast or bedtime instead. Flexibility can help kids still feel connected.
Making Siblings Feel Special During a NICU Stay
LEAVE NOTES OF LOVE
Leave your children love notes and messages when you have to be away. You may even sign some messages from the baby: “I am so lucky to have you as my big sister!” This can help them feel connected to the baby, especially if they can’t visit them.
CELEBRATE THEI ROLE AS BIG BROTHER OR SISTER
Remind siblings how important they are. Make a list of all the things your older children can do that the new baby can’t do and share it with them. Talk about their role in the family and how they will be helping to teach the new baby about these things.
ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN TO TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS
Even if they don’t ask, make time to talk. Let them know that it is okay if they are feeling sad, angry, lonely or frustrated. Let them know that they can tell you if they feel like they need you to spend some time with them. Create space for your children to talk about how they’re feeling by asking simple questions like: “What was the best part of your day?” or “Is anything making you feel sad or worried today?” Let them know it’s okay to feel all their feelings, and that you’re always there to listen.
LET THEM ASK QUESTIONS
Children often have big imaginations and need help making sense of what it means that the baby is in the NICU. Giving them age-appropriate, honest answers can ease their fears. For example: “The baby is in a special place where doctors are helping them get stronger.”
What are they worried about? What do they think might happen? Let their questions guide your conversations.
Model Coping and Resilience
Kids learn by watching you. Show them that it’s okay to be sad or overwhelmed, and that those feelings don’t last forever. Let them see you ask for help, take breaks, and care for yourself.
You Are Not Alone
The NICU experience can be tough on siblings, but it can also bring families closer. The most important thing we can do for our children is to give them support, encouragement, information and most of all reassurance that they are still important members of the family. With thoughtful support and simple routines, you can help your children feel secure, seen, and loved during this time.
The NICU is hard. We’re here to help.