“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
– Eckhart Tolle
I refer to our first month in the NICU as the month I grieved.
I was in shock that my picture-perfect pregnancy had ended so abruptly…
I was stunned that I had already had my son…
I was in disbelief that we had landed in the NICU…
I was angry that my body had failed both him and me…
And, I was a little bit in denial about everything that was happening.
It felt like a total nightmare I had yet to wake up from.
It surely didn’t get any easier over the course of our stay, especially in the beginning, that every.single.time I entered or exited the hospital, there was a family discharging with their healthy baby – balloons & flowers, smiling & happily anxious faces – just it wasn’t me and it wasn’t going to be my experience (not even close).
ACCEPTANCE wasn’t an easy pill to swallow, but ultimately I didn’t really have a choice.
Of course, this didn’t change the fact that my son was in the NICU (indefinitely) and fighting some pretty serious complications, but acceptance allowed me to find some happy positives in our situation.
Once I began to accept the fact that the NICU was now a part of our story… I was able to start celebrating the small achievements and milestones my son was making… I began to feel joy at finally becoming a mother… I began to have hope for our future.
When did you find acceptance that the NICU was part of your story? How did that change your outlook?