Navigating the world of the NICU while caring for other children is hard. A NICU stay impacts the entire family, especially the siblings waiting at home who need reassurance, information and routine to feel secure.
As the parent, there is grief in missing out on the sibling meeting you all had hoped and planned. You may feel split between your children at home and your baby in the NICU. Naming those feelings and acknowledging that it’s okay to have them can help you and your older children cope.
Your older children and your baby will have different needs throughout a NICU stay. It requires you to slow down, take a step back, focus on loving your children, and savor the moment with each of them. These small actions help siblings feel safe, seen, and loved, and help your family feel supported during your NICU journey.
Taking Care of Siblings
MANAGING SIBLING EMOTIONS
Emotional reactions from siblings are hard and complex. Children at home may withdraw, regress, or have more tantrums. They may feel jealous, angry, or confused. These are all normal reactions. Here are a few ways to help navigate these emotions:
- Acknowledge your child’s feelings and let them know it’s okay to have them.
- Inform childcare providers or schools about your NICU baby so they can offer extra support to your child.
- Try to spend one-on-one time with each child. This could be something as simple as a walk around the neighborhood or snuggling together to read a book
- Tell your child at home it is not their fault the baby is in the NICU.
- If home is in another city and you’re separated from your family while your baby is in the NICU, make time for video calls and trips home for special quality time with older children.
IF SIBLINGS CAN VISIT THE NICU
Sibling visitation policies vary per hospital. Here are a few helpful tips to prepare and make your child’s visit to the NICU go smoothly.
- Talk to your child about what to expect. Show them pictures of where they will scrub in and tell them what they will have to do. Show them photos of your baby and the area or room around the bedside, explaining what they will see and how each machine is helping their baby.
- Know that sibling visiting times may vary. Some siblings may want to stay for longer, others may want to leave after five minutes. If possible, coordinate sibling visits with your partner or other family members who can step out of the NICU with your child if they get restless.
- Check in with yourself and your child. If you think they may get upset seeing your baby when they are getting lots of support, it may be better to wait until your baby is more stable. This will depend upon your child’s ages and personality. You know your child best.
Here are some questions you can ask your NICU team before your visit:
- Is there a minimum age requirement?
- Do we need to show immunizations?
- Do older children need to bring IDs?
HOW SIBLINGS CAN GET INVOLVED
- Choose a favorite book for parents to take into the NICU to read to the baby.
- Record themselves! Read a book that can be played at your baby’s bedside or leave a message for baby: “Good morning, little sister!” “I love you, little brother!”
- Pick a favorite toy (NICU-approved) for you to take to the NICU for the day. You can take pictures with the toy around your baby’s space.
- Once your baby can wear clothes, have siblings pick an outfit for the baby to wear and then take photos to show them.
- Create an age-appropriate visual schedule together so siblings can see your daily routine and how this might impact their schedule: “Mom home for bedtime,” “family dinner night,” or “babysitter afternoon.”
- As you get ready for your baby to come home, talk to your child and come up with age-appropriate ways they can engage with their new sibling: hold baby, help with diaper changes or feedings, pick out clothes, go for family walks. All of these can help you bond as a family when you get home.
Supporting siblings during a NICU stay is a series of small, steady steps: honest conversations, thoughtful preparation before a visit and meaningful jobs when they can’t go to the hospital. Keep routines where you can, celebrate tiny wins, and give yourself plenty of grace.